Preamble of Pain ... and Delight

Look at how much I've written today. Can you tell I'm procrastinating?

It's just that I don't want to dredge up the emotions — joyful and painful — that are attached to my deepest, most-brittle feelings about the Twilight Saga. I can't face the rush of tears that are sure to follow. All I need to do is double-click on "Decode" by Paramore in My iTunes ... Hayley Williams is such a hot singer, but she just kills me (and not softly, either) with her words, slays me with those lyrics. They really tell the story of Edward and Bella at the beginning ... all the confusion, the pain, the longing, the love. Even though I know this story has a happy ending, when I go back and have to feel the two of them floundering, struggling with false starts, but never giving up their determination to find a way to be together, no matter the cost, the beauty of it all just ... crushes me. Does that kind of thing ever happen in the real world anymore?

I don't think anyone understands why these things just ... suck the wind from my sail, so I can't breathe. I'm not even sure I know why. All I know is that I need to get this out ...